I am learning that it doesn't seem to matter if someone lives a quiet life or a very public life, smallness can show up anywhere. I spend a lot of time on stage. I speak in microphones and sing to large crowds. I get many hugs everyday from little arms of school children. I send blogs and letters out to a lot of people. But at times, the smallness worms it's way into my heart.
Smallness seems like insignificance. It would have you believe that you are not noticed or counted among others that tower above you. It masks the ordinary into extraordinary. It hides truth and highlights falsities. It deceives a heart into seeing a diminished value.
But, no matter how it looks or feels, it isn't right. Smallness is a lie to the heart.
We are called to live a life of humility. We are not to be self-seeking, fame mongers. If we model our life after Jesus, we know that being "known" is of little meaning. However, it is extremely necessary to understand the difference between humility and smallness.
Humility is knowing the value of your heart and choosing to serve. Humility is understanding that you are deeply loved by a Saving God, but that love is to be shared. Humility is not self-seeking or self-deprecating. Humility is being a daughter of the king that is happy to wash the servants feet.
Smallness and humility are not the same.
When that familiar attack comes at my heart, I am learning to take it captive. It is a ploy from the great deceiver himself. He would have us all believe our worth is in shambles. He wants us to absorb the heaviness of heart that accompanies the feelings of insignificance. His attack goes straight to our value. If we believe those lies, we might just fall into the sin-traps he has dangling before us. Feel small, take a drink. Feel small, pass the ice cream. Feel small, send that text. Feel small, scream louder.
We all know how Satan works. The lower we feel, the lower we go. What we never thought we would do becomes oddly comforting in times of smallness. Then, the guilt sets in and the smallness becomes even more overwhelming. We feel the weight of it all, and we start really believing that the lies are true.
Oh dear sister, know that Jesus did not come to this earth to validate your smallness. He came to rescue your heart. He did not come to pound you with guilt for believing in lies. He came to bind up the brokenness. He did not spend one day of His earthly life focusing on the failures. Remember, He loved on that woman at the well. He plucked another from the grips of a stoning. He healed the sick. He was angered at the temple when others were taking advantage of people. His life, His mission, His crucifixion was to destroy the lies. In His ultimate humility, we find our greatest value.
I count. You count. We all count to Him. He numbers our hairs, knows our tears, and hears our prayers. No person on this planet is too small for His love. Not one woman did He make valueless. His creation in you is of countless worth. Regardless of the size of your influence, the worth of your soul is immeasurable.
When the arrows of insignificance take aim at your heart, speak God's truth. When that old familiar feeling of worthlessness washes over, pull out the weapon of God's word. It will bring victory.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. ~ Psalm 139:13-16.
I may live a life that isn't as public as others. I may feel insecure sometimes about my abilities. But one thing is for sure.... I count, and You do too!